Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
