so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
