I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
