I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
