I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
