i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
