his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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