Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
