I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
