What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
