so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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