I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want to have your abortion
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
