apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
