Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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