he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
