I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize