My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
