Old men and throwing up are my life now.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
