look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
