Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
