My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
