I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
