we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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