there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
