I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she smelled like a LAN party
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
