I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
