I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
