even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wish there were birth control emojis
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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