Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize