Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
