dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
