I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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