So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
