I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
