i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Pooping to opera.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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