I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He kissed a someone with a penis
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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