i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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