I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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