Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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