i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
