I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
