Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
