Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
