Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drake has all the answers
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
