I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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