don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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