All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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