How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
