my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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