We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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