Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
