Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
