i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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