I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
