Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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