Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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