Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize