It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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