I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize