You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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