I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
