At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
