why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
