Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
