exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
