Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
