Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
try to milk me bitch
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