I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Let's get the cat blown out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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