apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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