I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
