I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Screwed.edu
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
