Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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