Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
