watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize