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Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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