he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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