Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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