the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
