as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
