Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
