Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
