so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
