The maid of honor just puked.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
